Push myself, browse old notes
I remember and swallow hard
When ignorance became an antidote
I felt a guilt press my heart
Nights I spent at the edge of my bed
Morbid thoughts in my morbid head
I can't count to how many times I said
"I'm gonna take these memories or myself instead".
Days on end, I'd write alone and silently mutter
Subtle resentment to the world, myself and others
I filled these petty pages with sorrow, love and loss
I filled the pages to make up for everything I've lost
Frantic heartbeats, in my liar's chest
Planted seeds, in my empty head
Choking on my words, tremble in my fingers
Reminders I'm alone and sorrow lingers
I'm sinking again
And remember,
The notes by my bed that stopped me turning on myself
And every last reminder that this feeling is my wealth
And if they ask, I just wasn't strong enough
Because what is my destruction to the happiness of those that I love?